Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
