I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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