Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
