the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Everyone says I win the strip club
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
