I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
