I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
