who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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