He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
