this just has baby written all over it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
