Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
