he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
