So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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