Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
