I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
