Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
