He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
