apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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