So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
