her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
