ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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