Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it hurts more in the daytime
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
