you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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