Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
