Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
