Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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