yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
