Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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