too bad you live with your parents still
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
