so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
