I heard we made out
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
