I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
