her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
