hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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