I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
