im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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