He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Boobs are out for the taking
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
