If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
