Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
