grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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