I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
