I cannot find my penis.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
