worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
