I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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