Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
