apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This show inspires me to have sex in space
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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