You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
