I hate your face
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
