jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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