in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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