you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
