You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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