is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
