i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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