YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
