he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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