could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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