I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
