Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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