I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
