Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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