I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
