I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
