She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
