I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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