awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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